Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Back pain, Eric's Tips on Designing a Home Gym, Teaching Your Kids Sexual Values, 15 Love Rules For Men




Greetings, and I want to take the time to thank all of you - you are so very special! You and God teach me and open my mind and eyes to so many things on a daily basis. Without you, I would not have learned and been able to share so much to others. You and God teaming with me have dramatically intensified my desire and knowledge to work my hardest for your physical, nutritional, and emotional health. I want to tell you how much I love and appreciate you and the privilege of being your Family Physician!

Above is a picture of us enjoying family time at Symphony on the Prairie last week. We love to go there and picnic together - as a family or just as a date night with my husband. They still have half of their season left with many great concerts (you can get tickets for about $5 less per ticket by purchasing them at Marsh). TIP - surprise your love with a date night at Symphony on the Prairie!

Back Pain

Back pain is the second most common reason for doctor visits in the U.S., and up to 84% of adults have back pain at some time in their lives. Most episodes of back pain are self limited and resolve without specific therapy (usually muscle/ligament sprain/strain). Patients who do not improve within four weeks of onset of back symptoms should be re-evaluated and may require further diagnostic testing (first plain x-rays, and then may need MRI's). Some people have chronic back pain that interferes with employment and quality of life, and rarely back pain can be from a serious medical illness (infection, cancer, fracture, or systemic disease). RISK FACTORS of back pain are - smoking, obesity, older age, female gender, physically strenuous work, sedentary work, low education, anxiety/depression, vibration exposure (even from certain automobiles), and now evidence that certain foods may contribute.


The book "Foods That Fight Pain" by Dr. Neal Barnard gives excellent information on especially dietary treatment for back pain, and other causes of pain and medical problems (and many excellent recipes). His recommendations are included under the Dr. Barnard recommendations below.

Self Care - very important for all to remain active, get proper sleep/rest (at least 7-9 hours/night), and maintain good muscle tone/physical fitness and posture (especially important when working at a computer to keep your neck and back properly aligned)

--a medium firm back conforming mattress may help, and there is no compelling evidence lumbar supports help

--cool/ice after injury for first 48 hours, then heat or cool (Thermacare wraps are effective), certain OTC creams like Bengay or Tiger Balm can help

Medicine Options

--pain medicine (Tylenol/acetominophen, non steroidals like Advil/ibuprofen or Aleve/naproxen and available in patches like Flector Patch, Ultram/tramedol, and narcotic pain medicines such as Darvocet/Tylenol w Codeine/Vicodin=hydrocodone, Lidoderm/lidocaine patches)

--antidepressant/anti-anxiety medicines (Elavil/amitriptyline, trazedone, Prozac/Zoloft/Celexa/Lexapro)

--skeletal muscle relaxants (Flexeril/cyclobenzaprine, Skelaxin, Soma/carisoprodol)

--benzodiazepines (Valium/diazepam)

--anti-seizure medicines (Neurontin/gabepentin)

Activity & Physical Treatments-in addition to self care, all patients need regular physical activity

--exercise therapy (stretching exercises, core strengthening, general physical fitness, yoga and Pilate's)

--physical therapy/back schools - to direct back rehabilitation

--spinal manipulation - usually from a good chiropractor (Dr. Ed Zimmer and Abigail Eaton are excellent chiropractors and nutritionists in our office complex, 813-1998, and I see Dr. Zimmer about monthly to keep from having neck/back pain)

--acupuncture (Amy Yang is excellent, 876-1054)

--massage (excellent masseuse is Josh at 872-3380 - I see him for a 1 hour Swedish massage about monthly to keep from having neck/back pain)

Psychological Interventions

--cognitive behavioral therapy, biofeedback - from trained therapists

Physical Modalities - used by some physical therapists or chiropractors or osteopaths

--low laser therapy

--ultrasound

--short wave diathermy

--traction

--trans cutaneous electrical nerve stimulation (TENS)

Medical/Physician Treatments (Commuity Spine Center and Dr. Foley and his associates are great back and spine specialists for consultation, 621-9292)

--epidural steroid injections

--facet joint steroid injections

--trigger point steroid injections

--sacroiliac steroid injections

--surgery - discectomy, fusion surgery, laminectomy

--thermal/laser/radiofrequency treatments
Dr. Barnard recommendations - he feels that back pain starts not in the muscles or spine but in the arteries supplying them/the lumbar arteries - Japanese-American women eating the traditional Japanese diet (rich in the first 4 food groups listed last blog and very low in animal products) have half the risk of back pain as Caucasian women - an optimal diet helps keep arteries open and helps prevent weight problems, arthritis, and osteoporosis which are all linked to back problems

--See your doctor (to make sure not a more serious condition and for help on the things listed here)

--Follow an artery opening diet (low fat mostly vegetarian as in his book and following the first 4 food groups in my previous blog-drawing your nutrition from plant sources helps clear arteries and keep calcium in your bones), regular exercise, no smoking, and manage stress

--No more than 2 cups of coffee/day (or switch to decaf) and limit salt use

--Follow a regular exercise program - exercise reduces pain, strengthens back muscles, helps open arteries, and protects your bones and more!

--Vitamin B6 (50-150mg/day) and powdered Ginger (1/2-1 tsp/day) may help with pain

--Chiropractic adjustments can help

--Be cautious about surgery and get a second opinion

--Simple pain killers (like Tylenol or ibuprofen) can be helpful, but it is best to avoid narcotics to avoid the chance of addiction


Eric's Tips - Designing Your Own Home Gym
Designing your own home gym can be a complicated process. The first thing in my mind that you need a good set of dumbbells. I recommend powerblock dumbbells (pictured below). I purchased these at Bob Block Fitness in Castleton. There are 3 different locations of Bob Block located in Carmel and Greenwood. These are a very cost effective way of getting dumbbells. Pictured below is the Sport 9.0 stage 1 and stage 2. It is 5-90 lbs. The total cost of this unit is $598. If you purchased regular dumbbells in 5 pound increments you would spend over $750 for the same amount of weight. The price per pound is calculated at $1.35 per pound. The nice thing about the powerblock dumbbells is that they can be adjusted in 2 1/2 pound increments. This is very effective when training and trying to increase weight in small increments.



Another important part of the home gym is a stability ball. Most people have these so I won't talk to much about them. A big plus in my book is having a Bosu ball. These run a little more expensive, $100-150 depending on where you go. They are a great addition to the home gym because of their versatility with training and balance.
Medicine balls are also a great addition too. These vary in style and cost. They are great for adding variety to sit ups and one handed push-ups.
An ab mat is also a great addition for comfort when doing any movement on the floor. A yoga mat is okay too instead of an ab mat.
Cardio is also important part of a home gym. The cardio machine in my mind should be something you don't mind doing in the winter months when you can't be outside as much. I purchased my upright bike and elliptical from Bicycle Garage of Indy. They have a great variety of cardio equipment at decent price. There is a huge variety in price when it comes to home cardio it all depends on where you go to purchase one. I would recommend not spending bottom dollar on cardio.


Plate weights are also a great addition to the home gym. There are 2 different types of plate weights, Standard and Olympic. Standard weights are smaller in size than the Olympic weights. They have 1 inch hole and use a smaller bar that weighs about 15-20 pounds. Olympic weights have a 3 inch hole and use a 45 pound bar. Either is fine and you will pay about the same for the plates. The bars vary in price. Depending on the type of lifting you want to get in. If you are a more serious lifter you want to get the Olympic style.
You may also want to consider a multi-position bench. The cost of these vary greatly too. I would purchase a little nicer one to make sure it sturdy.
Bands are also good to have around. A lot of people have these around as well. They are good have around to switch things up.



Keep in mind that purchasing equipment for a home gym is going to be expensive in the beginning, but in the long run it will save you money. Just make sure that it doesn't become a cloths hanger. If you go to Bob Block tell them that I referred you and should get a discount on whatever you purchase. If you need help setting up your home gym and have more questions please feel free to ask. If you do have questions please email me at eric_walden@waldospersonaltraining.com or call me at 765-404-7343.


Family & Faith

Parenting Tips - from the book "Sex - More Than A Plumbing Lesson" by Amy Scheuring, about teaching your kids sexual values
Sex education is values education and teens need to hear about values and abstinence from the most effective source - their parents! Teaching sexual values is a life-long experience. Family connectedness, parental disapproval of their child being sexually active, and parental disapproval of birth control were the top 3 deterrents to teenage sexual activity in a recent national study. Good parenting means hours of listening, asking open-ended questions, setting reasonable limits, and actively leading your child to a pure lifestyle. Talking to your kids about sex is 90% listening and 10% talking. Some good questions are: What does it mean for a couple to be serious? What is your opinion about birth control for teens? How does a person know he is ready to start dating? What do your friend think about oral sex? How do you feel about sex before marriage? If you hear an idea or assumption that needs corrected, let it go for the moment, pray about it, then in a later discussion bring that topic back up.

Seven great things to teach your kids about sex: 1. The sex drive is natural 2. The sex drive is powerful (sex is a drive and not a need, and must be careful what you feed it) 3. The sex drive is controllable (temptation will come into our lives-tell boys sometimes you can't control the first look but you can control the second) 4. Sex has a context (creates a bond akin to duct tape between man and woman, and if outside of marriage then the next sexual relationship is more difficult to bond) 5. Sex has a purpose (to bond man and woman and have children, and no birth control is foolproof) 6. Sexual abstinence is possible (go very slow in the physical aspect when dating, and when sex is saved and virginity cherished this is a priceless gift to be given to their spouse - she tells boys to remember that they may not take anything that doesn't belong to them - and foremost that is a girls virginity!) 7. Sexual sin is forgivable (sexually active teens often feel like a used piece of duct tape-worthless, and they need to be reminded that our Lord forgives them and purifies them and they can learn from and move beyond their mistake - and if they ask if you had sex before marriage-avoid discussing yourself but apologize for our society failures and say our family is raising a higher standard).

The word of God gives a standard that is above us and places God as the authority on how to live our lives. Our reliance on God's standards and biblical authority make it possible for us to confidently set limits for our children's sexual behavior and help teach them to stay in God's circle of blessing (remind them that there are always consequences of sin). We are to live by God's standards, not the ones tossed by the winds of our culture. Christianity elevates women to equal ground with men. Below are the top twelve scriptures to keep you pure:

1. Genesis 1:26-31 God invented sex and considered it "very good"! Genesis 2:20-24 tells us that sex has a context; it is marriage.

2. Exodus 20:14 In the Ten Commandments, the Lord clearly says "Don't have sex with someone you are not married to." This command is expanded in Leviticus 18.

3. Psalm 101:1-3 "I will set before my eyes no vile thing" (101:3). What are your eyes looking at? Guard your eyes. Guard your heart.

4. Psalm 119:9-11 How can you remain pure in an impure world? Guard your heard with the Word of God the Bible.

5. John 8:1-11 Sexual sin is forgivable. Jesus tells the woman to go and sin no more. Secondary virginity is available to those who have fallen and who truly leave their sin behind. Also look at Psalm 51 for a new start.

6. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 Paul tells us to run away from immorality. You (and your body)were bought with the high price of Jesus' blood. Does your sexual behavior show others how you feel about God?

7. 1 Corinthians 7:1-11 Paul sets high standards. He also says that some may remain single and abstinent for life. Marriage is better than premarital sex. Once you are married, marriage is for life.

8. 2 Corinthians 6:14-16 Choose to date and marry people who share your beliefs.

9. Ephesians 5:1-3 and 5:25-33 Imitate God. Do not practice sexual immorality. Jesus compares the marriage commitment to His Relationship with the Church. He is the bridegroom; His people are the bride of Christ.

10. Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength."

11. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 Want to know what God's plan for your life looks like? Read these verses.

12. Hebrews 4:14-16 Jesus was tempted, but did not sin. He is able to sympathize with our weakness but give us His strength to overcome.
Next blog I will finish my review of this book's great lessons.

Marriage Tip - from guyspeak.com, 15 Love Rules For Married Men, edited by my husband, Bruce Miller
1. Treat her right - put her above ALL others (except God) - that includes your children, your parents, and especially above yourself!

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy..." Ephesians 5:25

2. Lend a hand - nothing can get a woman more interested in you physically than helping with house cleaning or child care!
3. Hand Holding - hold her hand often - & if you lose your hands hold elbows!
4. Work at your marriage - marriage is not a noun, it is a verb! "It is not something you get, but it's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day." Ann Landers
5. Confide cheerfully
6. Don't write off counseling - some smart couples do it preventatively (once a month or once a quarter)
7. Make time for sex (and it starts in the am by treating her right the whole day) - never underestimate the importance if sex to marriage
8. Surprise her! (with your help, with a note or card, with a text, with a suprise date, with a gift or something you made for her, etc. - plan a day of the week you will take a little time and dream/think about her and what she may like to be surprised with - and decide try to suprise her even with something very little once a week, and at least once a month!)
9. Apologize - be the first to say "I'm sorry" or better yet "Please forgive me" or "I was wrong" - even when you're not sorry and you weren't wrong
10. Give her a hug often - hug her every time you come home or she comes home - she loves it!
11. Don't try to change her - better yet change and grow yourself (and pray for God's will and direction for her and you)
12. RESPECT - be respectful to your in-laws (they may not deserve it but your wife does - do it for her!)
13. Be open to changes - people change as years go by an dso do marriages - be flexible!
14. Fight fair!
15. Remind yourself why you love her (and the so many things she means to you, and you could read and memorize some of the Song of Solomon)
You are ALL so very special and loved unconditionally and forever by Jesus! He and his image is are stamped on our hearts - we are God's children ("God" is stamped on us just like "Andy" on the toys in Toy Story)! My thanks and hugs and love and prayers forever for you!
Dr. Lisa

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Excel For Life, Eric's Body Weight Exercise Routine, Parenting Tips-The Big Rocks, Prodigal God






Greetings and Blessings! My family and I were so blessed to have a large Wolf family reunion last weekend! My wonderful Dad is Don Wolf, and his extended family enjoy a reunion the first Saturday in December every year. This year we added another reunion for the 160th anniversary of the Wolf farm and homestead in Fort Wayne, IN. The picture on the left is in front of the house today, and is Ned Wolf (age 79), Maxine Wolf VanHorn (age 88), and Don Wolf (age 81). The picture on the right is their brother George Wolf in front of the house in 1918 (George died 10 years ago at age 82). The top picture shows the whole reunion last weekend, including the house's original tin roof on the very top (160 years old!).

This blog I updated my "For Your Health" sheet to be more concise. If you are feeling bad or having problems in any way, you need to review these aspects of your life and make any needed additions (and if assistance is necessary, seek help from me, family/friends, and especially God). Eric has a great 30 minute aerobic strength training exercise routine (the video is a shortened version performed by your ever thankful doctor - for her outstanding trainer, patients, family, and Lord!). In Family and Faith I reviewed a great hour talk about parenting from last week's North American Christian Conference here in Indy, and my church sermon series on the prodigal son, "Prodigal God".


Excel For Life!
If you are feeling bad or having problems in any way, you need to review these aspects of your life and work hard to make the needed changes or additions! Read my blogs or articles about these topics listed under the Dr. Miller tab on our practice website.

Water - drink 1/2 or your body weight in ounces every day, and extra after exercise
-no other liquid is particularly good for you except green tea (and this only in addition to the water above)
-clears your body of toxins, and helps significantly with pain, fatigue, allergies, sleep, and much more!

Food/Diet - the first four are the healthiest!
Vegetables (rich in vitamins, fiber, and low in fat)- eat a wide variety and at least 3 or more servings/day
Fruits (rich in vitamins, fiber, low in fat)- eat a wide variety and at least 3 or more servings/day
Whole-Grains (rich in fiber, vitamins, and some protein, and low in fat) - rice, oats, quinoa, amaranth, buckwheat are the best (gluten in wheat, rye, and barley can cause and worsen many problems in many people) - 3-6 servings/day
Legumes (rich in protein, fiber, omega-3 fatty acids, minerals, and low in fat)- beans, lentils (seeds from pods, like chickpeas), and peas - eat 2-3 servings/day
Meat & Dairy - best to be organic and range-free (to avoid added hormones and antibiotics and toxins) & Nuts & Seeds (high in fat, rich in protein and omega-3 fatty acids)

Common food triggers for migraines, arthritis,allergies, & others = dairy products, wheat, citrus fruits, corn, caffeine, meat, nuts, tomatoes, eggs, great book "Foods That Fight Pain", by Barnard

Exercise - at least 30 minutes aerobic exercise 5 days/week, and weight training 30 minutes twice/week, make sure to plan at least this much in each week - making it a priority like a shower and brushing your teeth, and no TV until you exercise!!!

Quality Supplements - required for our health - our food is often not the healthiest and comes from over-farmed nutrient deplete soil, remember by putting out your weeks worth of vitamins each Sunday (maybe just in a coffee mug in your kitchen)
Vitamin D3 for everyone - at least 1000iu/day in summer and 2000iu/day in winter (and is fat soluble weekly dose can be taken once a week) - for our bones, brain, immune system, cancer prevention, hormones, and more, those with conditions at risk need blood blood test to determine required supplement (may need up to 10,000iu/day)
Omega 3 Fatty Acid for everyone - 700-1000mg/day of EPA/DHA (and up to 4000mg for high cholesterol/triglycerides)- to decrease inflammation and for brain, joint, and cardiovascular health
Quality Multivitamin for everyone - helps give a boost to all vitamins and minerals and helps for energy and cancer prevention - take with iron if pregnant, anemia from iron deficiency, or heavy periods
Calcium especially for all girls and women - a well absorbed common calcium is Citracal w D (calcium citrate) - at least 1/day, and for women at risk and most all smokers 1 in am and 2 in pm (and a better calcium for bone building in those at risk is our Calapatite w MCHC which has more bone specific minerals)
Aspirin 81mg coated - best for everyone over age 60 unless contraindications, and for smokers over age 40
Other Common Vitamins - Vitamin C (1000mg, and doses up to 5000mg/day for short periods) can be added during colds, allergies, antioxidant; Zinc can help the immune system and especially men as they age with their testosterone; Iodine can help thyroid and metabolism
-certain vitamins can be tested in the blood, and I can perform a zinc taste test and Iodine spot test free in our office
Sleep & Balance & Boundaries - at least 7-9 hours sleep/night, and strive for balance in your life and keep your priorities in line each day and even moment (for me mine are God and husband/children first) - our life is like a boat and if you fill it too full of even good things you will sink!
Faith - can give you identity, direction, guidance, power, and all the fruit of the spirit for each day (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control - my prayer for you each day!) - I read a little daily and pray am, meals, and pm, go to church Sunday am, small group Thursday pm w my family, and woman's Bible study Friday am to keep me directed and centered (and often pray and memorize Bible verses during my jogging!)
Maintain your best weight - this helps your blood pressure, cholesterol, mood, endurance, joints, asthma, heart attack and stroke and diabetes and cancer prevention and more!
Tips for weight loss - 2/3 of your plate should be the healthy veggies and fruits (and change your diet to include lots of the first 4 food groups without any added fat), exercise aerobically at least 1/2 hour EVERY day, eat on a smaller plate, eat at least 3 small meals a day and especially don't skip breakfast, do not drink calories (juices have a lot!), don't eat a big meal late and try not to eat after 7pm (can brush your teeth after dinner), eat fruit as a dessert or small amount of dessert/dark chocolate right after meals, drink at least 2 large glasses of water before eating ad eat slowly chewing each bite 20-30 times, journal your food and calories on a good free website or application like http://www.sparkpeople.com/ (and people who journal lose 2x as much weight as those who do not - explains the success of Weight Watchers), 8 calories/lb body weight/day should make you lose a pound a week (and even more with exercise), get a buddy to team with you in your efforts, and strongly consider a gluten free diet (I have a patient Keelan who has lost 50 pounds over the past year on this - she could not lose weight with near perfect adherence to the above directives until eliminating gluten and has so much more energy)
-consider and get help for psychological problems hindering your weight loss (often a history of abuse gives one a fear and avoidance of looking better
-see me or your doctor if you do not have much success after a month of good effort, because you may need thyroid blood tests, a general physical and review of your diet, the above supplements and iodine test, a good trial of a gluten free diet, and some can have extra help by a weight loss medicine Adipex

Body Weight Exercise Routine
By
Eric Walden
This week's workout is another body weight routine. It can be done a couple of different ways. In the video we just stuck to 12 repetitions of every exercise. Twelve repetitions were done on both legs on all single leg movements. The other way is to time yourself and do each exercise for 30 seconds. I like this way better sometimes, because your mind is not stuck on a number and you can just go. Some exercise you may complete more than on others and that is okay. The key is to push yourself.
Jump Squats with a 1/4 turn:
Perform a basic squat touching your finger tips to the ground. This insures that you are going down far enough. The key is to bend the knees and not the just the hips. When you get tired on this exercise most people will just bend over and forget to bend their knees. If you can't perform the jump that is okay too, go ahead and do the 1/4 turn. This helps break up the monotony of the exercise.
Reverse Pull-ups:
I know you all probably think I love this exercise and well...I do! I also like regular pull-ups but most people don't have a pull-up station at home or they can't even do a single repetition. So this is a great alternative to a regular pull-up. This exercise is tough, so use your legs to assist. As you progress and get stronger you can straighten your legs using more of your body weight to perform the exercise. You can even go as far as placing your legs on a bench to get the full effect.
Single Leg Squat:
Use a broom stick or something to help you with balance if you need it. Using a dining room chair is a great gauge for how low you should go. You will have one leg that is a lot stronger than the other. I tell my clients to start with the weaker leg then end with the stronger one. This is more for mental aspect because when you're tired and want to quit the stronger leg will help push you through.
Side Crunches:
A great exercise to work on the "Love Handle" area. To simplify the exercise just use your upper body to crunch. Using the upper and lower body is a harder way of completing the exercise.
Side Lunge to Back Lunge:
On this exercise make sure when performing the side lunge to keep the back leg straight and let the foot fall on its edge. This helps with the transfer of weight to the lunging leg. If you can don't touch your foot when transferring from the side lunge to the back lunge. This helps work on the balance aspect of lunging.
Leg Raises:
Place you hands underneath the small of your back if you have back problems or need some assistance with this exercise. Having your hands out to the side increases the difficulty.
Push-up to side Plank:
Make sure when rolling into the plank that you look at the ceiling. This shifts your body weight to the obliques. If you don't you won't get as much out of the exercise. Ladies you can perform a modified push-up if you want (i.e knees down) then move up to a regular push-up position to perform the side plank.

Keep up the hard work!!! These exercises routines are not easy. So don't stop doing them because they are hard. The more you do them the easier they get and when that happens it means you are getting in better shape.

Also starting August 2nd I am running a Biggest Loser Challenge. I will be running it out of the Cardinal Fitness on 146 and St. Rd. 37. It is 8 weeks long and the cost is $600 per person. It is 3 days a week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 6 am to 7 am. You do not have to be a member to join the Challenge. Two people may join as one and split the cost and the sessions. Prize to be determined for the greatest percentage lost.

If you have questions please email at eric_walden@waldospersonaltraining.com or call me at 765-404-7343. I would love to sit down talk with you and help you reach your fitness goals.
Family & Faith
Parenting Tips - from lead minister Randy Garis, from North American Christian Conference
Parenting is made up of hundreds of thousands of interchanges with your children (like sand), but he says if he could do it all over again he would focus & get distracted less on the grains of sand and hang on much tighter to the 2 big rocks... What does your child believe about their own identity? Do you and they know their identity? In Genesis 1, man is made in God's own image - we are made after His (God's) kind and made in His nature, both male and female. I am the shadow of God. Randy related about the toys in Toy Story with the word Andy on them - they were so proud that they were Andy's and knew their identity... We have God stamped on and in us - we are God's! This is the number one thing we need to pass on to our children - the truth about their identity.
Big Rock #1 - You are deeply and unconditionally loved from newborn and forever. You have worth and value just because you exist. You are made in the image of God and are the only thing on this earth that will be eternal. There is nothing you can do or not do to make me love you more or less. You have worth and value just because who you are. You cannot fail and be loved or valued less, and you cannot achieve anything that will make you be loved or valued more. There is nothing you can do to increase or decrease your value and worth. You have value and worth because you are the shadow of God. Repeatedly establishing this in your child makes your child's (and ours) heart so peaceful. Pray over and say to your children this blessing every day.
Big Rock #2 - Because you are deeply loved, you will have grand adventures, great ideas, and live out big dreams. Lift your child's eyes up repeatedly to give them idea of great plans God has for them. There are great adventures and dreams from God to live out and dragons to slay!
No matter what happens or what someone says, then your child's heart and soul are content and solid with these core values. They know to their deepest being that nothing cannot change the value of who they are (example of taking a $100 bill and wad and spit and soil it and it is still worth $100 - because the people who gave it its value still give it its value). Our value was established by someone else, the creator of our universe. Do you now your worth and value? Or do you keep wanting something else and more from the outside world? God tells us you are not bits of plastic or of this world - My name is written on and in you and you are my shadow. Then I give you great dreams and plans to live out!
Our children (and we) all leak, so our children need to be constantly reminded about their identity and God's unconditional love and these 2 big rocks. We and our children need to be around people and church who remind and show us this.
Randy asks these questions...
1. Do you believe these things of the two big rocks about yourself? Do you have unfinished business in your own life you need to work on? Don't use your kids to fill the own whole in your chest-drug user
2. Is your message consistent? He wishes this weren't so - but it takes 20,000 steps to climb a mountain but just 1 step to fall off... Consequences of one bad conversation are profound and can undo a zillion great conversations. Children believe what they feel comes from your deepest emotion - so when you lose your temper or yell or cut them down, they will believe and hold much more from that interaction. We do not have the luxury of bad conversations... We need to many times each day be saying things like - I so love you, You are great kid, I am so happy God honored me by putting you in our house, You are the only child I wanted and couldn't wait to take home from that band performance., I love you forever and no matter what.. Randy states that if these conversations are not common and daily in your house, you are carrying around a lot of your own baggage that you need to work on yourself! Proverbs 12:18 "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
3. Do you believe in their worth and value even though they are very different in temperament and interests than you? Do you really want to get to know them, spend time with them, and value and praise their differences and uniqueness?
4. Do your children believe that you speak more about their worth and value than you do about their failure? And when did you stop saying good boy or bad boy, and instead say good choices or bad choices? (Son, you made a really bad choice AND you mean the world to me and God and we believe in you always)... Say a blessing over your child each day in person or on phone reminding them that they are loved by you and God no matter what, and that they can live out their dreams. This makes sure the big rock always stays big rock, since we continually leak.
5. Have you learned how to really listen? (Draw me the picture of your life today or what happened.) If Randy could do his parenting over again, he would teach less and listen more.
6. Are you emotionally available? If your work, house, hobbies, or TV has kidnapped your emotional availability consistently, you have robbed your children.
Randy encourages us to have people praying for our parenting and have wise experienced parents around to help us. And that we must constantly know ourselves and teach our children about the truth of our identity!
Faith - Prodigal God! - lessons from the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:25-32) about God's amazing grace!, from a 3 part sermon series at my church in June, http://www.tpcc.org/
"prodigal" - means extravagant; reckless; radical
Younger son - radical arrogance - interested only in what he can get, and then is broken and repentant, didn't deserve grace but is model of us all with God's prodigal grace
Older son - radical religious moralism, and felt since he worked he was deserving, impressive on outside but unfinished on inside
The sons father - extravagant and recless grace and is the model and representation of our awesome God, runs to meet his lost son, humbles himself, forgives and restores
Our prodigal God - He wants to be our father, He always forgives and wipes away our sin, He makes us clean and holy and restores us, He will always receive us back, He wants relationship and to wolk with Him, He sees into our hearts, He humbled himself for us
We are saved by grace. Are we prodigal with our grace, and is our default set to grace?..
With my prayers and hugs for you and your family!
Dr. Lisa